Summary
Crystal and Lanea discuss the challenges and decisions faced by parents when it comes to balancing work and childcare. The workload and division of responsibilities between partners, the impact on career growth and retirement savings, the high cost of childcare, and the importance of job flexibility and a supportive work environment are all discussed.
They touch on the emotional and mental health aspects of returning to work and the decision of how much time off to take before and after having a baby. The conversation discusses the lack of paid parental leave in Nebraska and the challenges faced by working parents. It highlights the unethical loophole that allows employers to count flexed and sick time against FMLA leave, resulting in less time parents can have with their newborns.
They share their personal experiences with unpaid leave and the difficulties of finding affordable and trustworthy childcare options. They also discuss the importance of choosing an employer that offers supportive policies and the impact of career decisions on long-term goals.
Takeaways
- Sharing the workload and having a mutual agreement on childcare responsibilities is crucial for a healthy relationship.
- The cost of childcare can be significant and may impact the decision to return to work.
- Consider the long-term effects on career growth and retirement savings when deciding on taking time off.
- Job flexibility and a supportive work environment can greatly influence the decision to return to work.
- The emotional and mental health aspects of returning to work should be taken into consideration.
- Knowing your numbers and running the financial calculations can help make an informed decision.
- The lack of affordable and accessible childcare options is a major challenge for many parents.
- Family support and alternative methods of childcare may not always be feasible.
- The decision of how much time off to take before and after having a baby is a personal one and should consider individual circumstances and preferences. Nebraska does not offer paid parental leave, leaving many working parents without financial support during their time off.
- Lanea and Crystal highlight the unethical loophole in Federal legislation that allows employers to deny FMLA leave to employees who have flexed out against their leave.
- Finding affordable and trustworthy childcare options is a major challenge for working parents.
- Choosing an employer that offers supportive policies and benefits is crucial for working parents.
- Career decisions after having a baby should consider long-term goals and the impact on future opportunities.
Transcript
Crystal (00:00)
Hi, I’m Crystal, the founder of the Piggy Bank Patrol, a podcast that gets parents talking about money. Myself, along with my co -founder, Lanea are financial analysts and new parents. We want to empower parents to learn healthy money behaviors while breaking cycles and teach children about money.
As always, the piggy bank patrols content is intended for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only, and is not to be taken as legal, financial investment, or tax advice of any kind.
Lanea (00:30)
Today we’re tackling a topic that affects all parents, returning to work or not returning after having a baby. Crystal and I are very familiar with this topic and took different routes, which is interesting considering we met at in the same position and had babies within weeks apart. It’s an incredibly complex and personal decision.
As parents, we have to weigh the financial necessity against the emotional toll of leaving our kids. In this episode, we’ll the pros and cons of returning to work from the financial advancement opportunities to the challenges of balancing work and family life. We’ll also discuss the emotional journey parents go through as they navigate this significant life change.
Join us as we dive into the complexities of this decision and offer insights to help parents make informed choices about their future. So Crystal, what do you believe is the first step when thinking about this decision? For me, I think it was talking to my husband.
Crystal (01:36)
definitely. Because when it comes down to it, it’s supposed to be a partnership and we can’t have a partnership if we’re not on the same page. So talking to your partner, husband, wife, whatever is great, like actually required step. And if you’re single, talking to yourself, because a lot of the time people can just brush it off and it’s important to.
think about what your next steps are while you’re pregnant, before you have the baby, ideally.
Lanea (02:09)
ideally is the the keyword there. So I guess just to get right into it. I decided to return to work after having my son and Crystal you’re taking an extended would you call it hiatus at this point?
Crystal (02:24)
Yeah, it’s going on six, we’re past six months.
Lanea (02:29)
Okay, so hiatus, we just took different paths. Was your husband and you on the same page about your decision? Or even when you went into it, the expectations surrounding it? Or was it an actual real meat on the bones discussion?
Crystal (02:49)
Kind of. So when we lived in Canada, because I have permanent residency there as well, I was doing the majority of earning money and keeping a stable job. And he had nine months where he just played on his computer. So when I got pregnant, I was like, guess I get nine months to not do jobs.
Lanea (03:12)
Nice, okay, all right.
Crystal (03:13)
So I told her, I just went and was like, hey, we have the money, I’m doing this. I think it’s gonna be more than nine months though.
Lanea (03:20)
Okay.
for Adam and I, we were actually on pretty different pages. He was not open to it at all to me staying at home, even though we financially could. And it’s like a huge sore spot in our relationship. And I would even say that there’s some resentment now because of it.
And I think part of it is the workload. And I think that’s one thing I don’t think either one of us quite understood the magnitude of it. you and your partner really need to agree on sharing the workload. And to some extent at home, your relationship is just going to.
It’s gonna be fatigued.
who’s gonna bear the brunt of childcare. And even if you are a stay at home parent, you can’t do everything yourself. And what are the expectations surrounding that?
Crystal (04:19)
I was reading a study specifically for this episode and I completely forgot to cite it, source it, and I forgot to write down the exact numbers. But it says that even if you go into it with a mutual agreement, women in general end up taking the majority of the workload, not just like
chores or taking care of the baby, but the mental task of remembering to feed the baby, remembering to have a set schedule and actually do things like, we’re almost out of toilet paper. I better go buy some or we’re almost out of formula. I think I can last one more day. And the male counterparts generally, they were taking responsibility about
30 % of the time? So like, that’s a lot. I know me too. Yeah. Yeah. But even then, what that means that what women in general are taking on over 70 % that’s insane. In addition to also working and other things
Lanea (05:16)
That’s honestly higher than I thought on their part, honestly.
Yeah.
well, and I can just use Adam and I as an example, we have a similar work schedule, but he gets off a half hour earlier than I do. Plus he works from home, so he doesn’t have a commute time. So there’s about an hour difference, 15 minutes to office, 15 minutes back, and then a half hour early. So there’s an hour difference every day.
it’s not like he is buying formula during that time.
Crystal (06:00)
Right.
even if they see a need, feel like sometimes they’re blind to it. They act like it’s not there unless it impacts them like, no, I’m out of beer. You best bet they’re gonna go get some beer.
Lanea (06:13)
my gosh. Yeah, I think that you hit the nail on the head, though, when it’s like blind. I don’t even think it’s intentional. It just does not. Cross their mind about what goes into it, even just giving a bottle, like you said, the formula, you know, it’s buying the bottles, it’s researching the bottles, it’s trying different bottles, it’s cleaning the bottles and sanitizing the bottles, making sure that you have.
purified water for the bottles, making sure you have formula, trying different formula. They just see it as giving a bottle.
And full Adam and I had a huge fight last night about it, so I’m a little bitter right now about that. But making sure you and your partner are on the same page about who’s returning to work, when they’re turning to work, all of that, that’s pretty much the first step.
Crystal (06:52)
Fair.
Yup.
Lanea (07:05)
And then I think for me, it was like estimating the impact on my career. I think it’s really important to determine the length of time that you would ideally like to stay home if you choose to do so and how that would affect your career. the maximum time that I was allowed, which was 12 weeks. So I was
fortunate that my position was still guaranteed so it didn’t affect me in that I had my same job. However, I just turned down a position partially because of the inflexible schedule with child care. So, I mean, it’s definitely affected my career indirectly. So, the position paid significantly more than I’m making now.
but my hours right now are extremely flexible and the work environment is very flexible. When I asked for that in negotiations, they were not able to honor that. in large part, I turned down the position because of that inflexibility.
And if I didn’t have a child that required that flexibility, it might have been a different decision.
Crystal (08:17)
right now I’m in the middle of interviews for a part time job back with Medicaid, but through a contractor. And they had a position that’s 7am to noon, which is perfect. It’s 100 % remote, but the training is in person. And that means that I would have to take like an hour to get back if it’s
Lanea (08:25)
Mm -hmm.
Crystal (08:43)
training part time. So the baby would have like a lapse in care for one hour that we have to figure out. And yeah, I’m not sure how to do that.
Lanea (08:50)
ever.
It’s incredibly, especially finding like short term temporary care because I also kind of looked in, I I looked into different options, like part time and I could not find a center around here that would accept part time without finding another family that was willing to do part time as well because they wanted to cover their ratios.
Crystal (09:19)
See, I saw that on Facebook earlier, and it’s not even in my town anymore because I don’t live there, but in another town in New York, there was a person who hosts an informal daycare. And she’s like, I can take on one full time or I can do two part time. Everyone was jumping at the two part time because no one can find anyone to do that.
Lanea (09:36)
Yeah.
It’s, yeah, it’s very difficult. And it also depends on, the hours too, because if it’s, one hour in the middle of the day, who’s going to do that? You know? Yeah, no one is going, like that’s not, it’s not feasible to find that.
Crystal (09:51)
Yeah, noon to one. No one’s gonna do that.
I think what’s going to happen is I’m going to have to pay one of my in -laws or pay one of my family members and fly them out from Nebraska because if I get that position and I get through training and then I can just do it, it’s just provider enrollment. I could do that dead in a coffin. It’s so easy. And I’d be making almost more than my husband working part -time.
Lanea (10:19)
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think it also kind of depends on the career. Some careers are indefinitely off track. Others, in finance, might be a little bit easier to get back into.
Crystal (10:39)
Yeah, especially Medicaid, because we lack qualified people. even if you have a lapse of like six, seven years, I’m pretty confident we’d still interview you. Because we need you.
Lanea (10:51)
You would still, yeah.
So you were never planning on fully staying at home for, a five to seven, year period. But did you look into how it would impact your wages and career growth and retirement? Is that something that you got into or was it more surface level just because the plan was always, six months to a year?
Crystal (11:02)
No.
It was more a surface level. I have been thinking about it more recently because it’s just where we’re at right now. And I think like the biggest thing that was pushing me towards fire was the fact that I fucking hate working. I hate having someone else control me and it’s been really great except now I have a baby controlling me. It’s a new kind of labor. Yeah.
Lanea (11:45)
You have a new boss.
Crystal (11:50)
Call him baby boss
Lanea (11:52)
You
Crystal (11:52)
He’s a micromanager, but he’s a cute one, so I can admit, like, I can accept that. But like, that’s why I liked my past job, because I didn’t have a supervisor breathing down my neck.
Lanea (12:08)
Yeah, yeah.
Crystal (12:09)
That’s hard to find unless, you know, you make your own opportunity, which I think I’m going to have to end up doing.
Lanea (12:16)
One, it’s not for lack of trying.
I do think as women, it’s very important to think about not just your wages today, but how if you remove yourself from the workforce, how that’s going to impact your career growth and, take into account benefits and retirement, because it’s kind of a compound effect.
when you get back into the workforce, if you’re taking a five plus year break, you’re losing all of that wage growth, all of that retirement. And then are you able to get back to where you were right away or are you going to choose a more flexible part -time job that has hours that can accommodate school, pick up and drop off?
I actually researched for this episode, Crystal has done 80 % of the research up until this point and just want you guys to know that. But the Center for American Progress, they actually have a calculator that can give you rough estimates for the money that you would be missing out on.
And it factors in your current salary, your salary growth and retirement assets. And I was really, really surprised at how it literally exponentially compounded. So it’s something to at least consider, run your numbers, know your numbers. think as finance people, as budget people, we’re such a fan of that. You know, we are such a fan of knowing our FIRE number, knowing all the numbers. So I think it’s just…
really do your research and crunch your numbers. And I think that that brings us to our next topic, which is knowing how childcare or not childcare will affect your budget. So after you kind of look into your local market, because it does vary so much based off of locality, you might find that childcare costs nearly as much as what you are earning at work or
if you earn significantly more or less than childcare, then that decision might not be as clear cut. So if you’re barely making more than childcare is gonna cost, maybe that’s an easy decision. If you’re more in the middle, maybe it’s more difficult, but either way, we really recommend running the numbers.
Crystal (14:38)
fuck me.
I ran mine.
Lanea (14:41)
Why are you even kind of struggling with that right now on whether returning to work just based off of the child care numbers? I mean, yeah, yeah, you got an interview and everything.
Crystal (14:46)
Yeah
Do you wanna know?
Yeah, so the only way that any returning to work would make sense for me is part -time because I can’t do child care because if I do full -time, I can’t get the subsidies and if I go full -time, somehow after paying child care without the subsidies, I make less than if I just worked part -time.
Lanea (15:23)
Really? As a person with a bachelor’s degree and relevant work history?
Crystal (15:26)
Yeah
I am telling you right now, the highest job offer slash bite that I’ve gotten in the last two months, and I’ve only applied to like four jobs, was 75 ,000.
Lanea (15:42)
Mm
Okay.
Crystal (15:47)
And I’d have to drive. there and back. It’s an hour, at least 50 % of the time and 100 % during training, which is eight weeks. And I would come out on top, maybe $200 a week. But I’d have to buy a new car to get there in winter because I live in the mountains and it’s in the valley and I don’t have four wheel drive.
Lanea (16:03)
yeah, that’s not worth it.
Crystal (16:12)
So that eats up the fucking 200 bucks. So why would I, I could just stay home and not leave the house when it’s winter and order Walmart delivery. I am providing people work so they have jobs. I’m contributing to the economy in my own way. Okay. But it says that my total income loss is 830 ,000 and my potential income.
Lanea (16:15)
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Crystal (16:40)
would be about 4 million. But I don’t that that is saying that if I work till I’m like 81 girl or whatever 67, I’m not. Yeah, I’m not. Yeah, I’m not. I’m not. I have 6000 in dividends from working. Not even three years. I am not going to take that long. I just need to pay my base amount and then anything above that is bonus.
Lanea (16:52)
You’re gonna fire
You’re incredibly good about that. I waste way more money. My percentage saved is much, much, much less.
Crystal (17:14)
yeah.
Well, more money, more problems.
Lanea (17:25)
I wouldn’t say that, it’s just more temptation.
Crystal (17:29)
Okay, so even if I run it and say I retire by the eight, ooh, rude. Nevermind, can’t use the calculator. It says you have to retire between 62 and 70 and it won’t accept 40.
if I stay out of the workforce for five years and I retire at age 40, I would have lost 300 ,000.
Lanea (17:44)
Mm -hmm.
Okay. I mean, which makes sense, I think. So just running rough numbers in my head.
Crystal (17:56)
Yeah.
Lanea (17:57)
but also like how do you put a price on spending time with your kid too? It’s just, it’s incredibly hard. And I think, reports are that more than half of parents are spending more than $1500 a month on childcare expenses. that is an incredible amount.
Crystal (18:01)
Yeah.
and infants cost more. So that’s another thing. taking time off for that year saves a lot more than ages two, three, four, five, whatever.
Lanea (18:24)
Yeah.
Absolutely. And Care .com released their 2024 cost of care report and it really is enlightening. the US Department of Health and Human Services states that in order for childcare to be considered quote unquote, affordable, it must cost families no more than 7 % of their household income.
Yeah, on average, the survey respondents are reporting spending more than 24 % of their household income. 24 to 7. that’s threefold.
Crystal (18:48)
You
Keep in mind that everyone has to also pay a rent or mortgage and that eats up what, 40 % if not more? Where’s the rest of the money?
Lanea (19:10)
Yeah, yeah. Well, people are going into debt or they’re using their savings. That’s what, yeah. And furthermore, more than one third of households are using their savings because they can’t manage to cash flow daycare. And who can blame them?
Crystal (19:17)
Yeah.
honestly, I have honestly considered cashing out my retirement just so I could pay for childcare if I do go back full time.
Lanea (19:37)
Yeah.
Isn’t that just sad? I think that’s just terrible. and I have an update for you. So a couple episodes back, I know we were discussing dependent care flexible savings accounts. And as of this year, so 2024, the limit is set at $5 ,000 per calendar year. So this limit was established by Congress over 30
Crystal (19:48)
Okay.
Lanea (20:01)
eight goddamn years ago. It was established in 1986 and it’s remained unchanged. It’s not tied to inflation or anything. So 38 years and this is money that you are earning. This isn’t gifted money. It’s money that you earned that’s just not taxed. Can you believe that? 38 years. it blew my mind. Yeah.
Crystal (20:24)
my glasses off. I took my glasses off. Girl, that’s older than us.
Lanea (20:30)
Yes! Yes! I just, I, it blows my mind.
Crystal (20:36)
There are so many things that are brought up in legislation that are just completely asinine. there was this one guy who just talked for an hour about his fucking fishing trip in Wyoming but yet we can’t get this on a docket.
Lanea (20:49)
No, well, and just the last two weeks. J .D. Vance,
he mentioned to have alternative methods like family helping. Well, who in their goddamn right has parents that can freaking retire just to watch kids? Like who has that?
Crystal (21:02)
See
So my parents are 40 years older than me. They can’t fucking lift a baby. They’re too old. They will drop him.
What family? It’s not there. This isn’t the 80s, this isn’t the 90s.
Lanea (21:19)
Yeah.
Well, and I think that that worked, the first gen like Gen X that might have worked because, know, their parents were boomers for the most part. So, you know, prior generations that work, that does not work anymore. My parents they’re not retired and I had my baby late, my parents
Crystal (21:32)
Yeah, they had a stay at home mom.
Lanea (21:44)
They were both 29 when they had me. I had Leo when I was 34. so it’s not like they are spring chickens either, but both of my parents are still working.
Crystal (21:53)
You
Lanea (21:56)
Just incredible, but that’s for another day. We will definitely do an episode.
Crystal (22:02)
I would love that.
Lanea (22:03)
And then, so not only are we talking about returning full time, but there’s other impacts that factor into your decision on going back to work. And that’s the schedule, how flexible it is, the hours, the working environment. Are you in office versus work from home? Stress levels, commute time. And that’s even if you can go back, because you might not be able to.
depending on you or your baby’s physical and mental health, you might find it incredibly difficult to leave your baby with somebody else for eight hours a day while you work and your mental health might struggle. Or even on the other side of this, you might feel trapped at home with a baby. So I was thankful that I went back just because I had such a flexible…
work environment. I have an incredibly supportive direct manager who is a mom herself, and she literally made coming back to work tolerable. without her, my life would be so much worse. I’m forever grateful for her kindness that she extended to me.
I even told her the other day, how much that meant to me because she needed to know. It’s just without that, it just would not have been the same. returning back to work was a really good decision for me. it’s really nice for me to be able to get out of the house. I didn’t struggle significantly with like postpartum depression, but I feel like if I was stuck at home and could not leave.
or it wasn’t feasible to leave or I didn’t have the money to leave, it just would have been incredibly different. But I was able to go back to an environment that I enjoy, coworkers that I enjoy, and with the flexibility and understanding. who you work for makes such a difference. Those factors that you don’t.
think about or directly affect your job just makes such difference. And like I said earlier, job flexibility was the primary reason why I just turned down a position. And that affects me, but that also affects employers too.
another thing that was a good thing for me returning to work was that mental stimulation. I honestly missed that when I was gone. it was nice to go into projects and meetings again, surprisingly. I didn’t think that that would be something that I missed at all. But that was a nice thing
I don’t know what I would have chosen if the decision was completely left on my own, but I’m not unhappy about going back partially because of that as well.
Crystal (24:48)
Yeah, the projects are nice. That’s why I enjoyed the editing the podcast episode so much. I’m like, my God, I can do things. It’s not baby talk.
Lanea (24:58)
And then I think another factor to consider is how much time off before or after the baby you’re going to take off. So if you decide to return to work, you have to answer yet another question, and that’s how much time you take off before and after having a baby before you return. So, we both know that federal law guarantees 12 weeks of unpaid family FMLA leave.
Not everybody qualifies. And I specifically put in our notes that I wanted to discuss how our HR wanted to count my flexed time spent at doctor’s appointments against my FMLA leave. My flexed time. I still worked 40 hours a week.
Crystal (25:36)
my god.
The absolute…
Lanea (25:49)
but they wanted to count my time at doctor’s appointments that I flexed out against my FMLA leave after having a baby. Exactly, can you believe that?
Crystal (25:56)
They’re not even paying you!
It is like the sheer unethical and I read, I know that when that happened, I read the federal law and that’s the loophole. And I don’t think ethically that it should be a loophole. There should be some type of additional paragraph adjacent to whatever section it is, that line loophole out and fix the wording because that is just sick. It is absolutely sick.
Lanea (26:13)
No!
It’s disgusting that you want to take time, unpaid time away from people spending time with their kids. It’s disgusting. And mine was obviously unpaid leave as well the largest employer in the state of Nebraska offers zero paid maternity leave.
And that’s also why I didn’t take any time off before I had him. I had a scheduled C -section and I was scheduled for Saturday. I worked Thursday. I took Friday off. That was the only day, the only time I took off before having a baby was one day.
Crystal (27:13)
Which is just insane. That’s why that whole week I was like, are you sure you don’t want me to do all your work for you so you can just like chill with the green dot?
Lanea (27:19)
Well, and that’s that to be fair, that was in part because I have incredibly supportive coworkers and an incredibly supportive boss. it’s not like I was productive during that time. productive the no, no, no, absolutely not. And I absolutely was not, but they also understood, yeah, I didn’t do it. That was you.
Crystal (27:31)
there’s no such thing being productive that far pregnant.
The work still got done.
Was it? I don’t remember. I was too pregnant.
Lanea (27:47)
It was, it was, it was you. I did not do anything that last month. That last month I did not do anything. Like you took, you took on everything and our boss was very supportive and understanding and she got it. and I have to say too, our boss’s boss is incredibly supportive as well. he’s a guy, but
Crystal (27:51)
remember anything from those months.
Lanea (28:11)
I have nothing but good things to say about him. He’s been incredibly supportive as well. So it’s not just women that can be supportive.
Crystal (28:19)
I think it helps that he has a wife and kids, so he’s kind of seen it from the outside. Yeah.
Lanea (28:22)
Yeah, he gets it. Yeah.
And that brings us to paid parental leave because one in four women in the US returned to work within two weeks after having their babies. One in four.
Crystal (28:37)
And I know a lot more returned by the six week mark.
Lanea (28:40)
absolutely. there’s only a handful of states that actually have guaranteed paid maternity leave. it’s California, Colorado, Connecticut, D .C., Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Rhode Island and Washington. Those are the only states. And you can actually speak on this because I think that you specifically moved to New York in part because you were thinking about this, right?
Crystal (29:05)
Yeah, so it was an added benefit in addition the infertility treatments mandated by law. They also have family leave insurance program. Even if you make an insane amount of money, the cap is like 300 bucks a year that you would ever pay into it. So totally worth it for my husband. It comes out literally
less than a dollar per month or whatever on his income. And you only have to work full time for the employer for six months to qualify. So he started his job end of July and then we had our baby at the end of February. to take 12 weeks paid. It was cut.
Lanea (29:32)
nice, okay.
nice. Okay.
Crystal (29:51)
pay like 66%. and they pay your health care premiums in addition to that. we didn’t have to worry about if he had insurance or not during that time, which a lot of people can’t afford to pay their premiums when they’re going unpaid. So
Lanea (29:52)
But it was still something.
don’t even know if I ever told you what happened with mine, did I tell you?
Crystal (30:11)
I don’t think so.
Lanea (30:13)
So obviously I’m off of work, so I’m not checking my emails. I get a text message from our boss to give her a call because she was notified they terminated my insurance due to lack of me paying the premiums. So I had to go and bring a check when I was off of work.
to pay my premiums in order for them to reinstate my insurance. And it just…
Crystal (30:39)
Weren’t they supposed to send you something so you could do that?
Lanea (30:42)
They I didn’t get anything in the mail. I didn’t check my work emails. They didn’t send anything to my personal email. But yeah, I didn’t get anything. It was my boss who was kind enough to serve as a pass through for that. But yeah, I only really found out
about it. And it was kind of a pain in the ass because we had to take Leo to the doctor and United already. Yeah, yeah, Leo’s on my insurance and they reported him as not enrolled. So we had to wait a week for a doctor’s appointment.
Crystal (31:09)
no, he’s on yours!
no.
Lanea (31:22)
because I had to go and pay the insurance premium.
So, so just to reiterate, Nebraska has no paid parental leave, none. They’re…
Crystal (31:31)
Don’t move there! Move away! Brain drain is happening,
Lanea (31:37)
official on their website. They have an old PowerPoint that’s still listed that states that dad should take two days off. The birth of their baby and the day that they come home from the hospital. That’s still on their website. I can try to find it and link it. But it’s…
Crystal (31:59)
Well, I mean, it’s not even like it goes further than that. They have a fucking calculator that tells you how to calculate your amount of total cost of benefits your PSE. And it’s wrong. It’s off by like 13 plus thousand dollars. It says you you’d make more.
Lanea (32:03)
Yeah.
Yes, yeah, yes.
Yes.
Mm -hmm. And they have a maternity donation program.
Crystal (32:25)
my god, it’s horrible!
Lanea (32:26)
So this is where you have to beg your fellow coworkers to donate their paid leave. Exactly, exactly.
Crystal (32:31)
It’s embarrassing! It’s demoralizing!
that it’s now sharing private information to the whole fucking state
Lanea (32:43)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. And you have to use all of your sick time. So when you return from your unpaid leave, you have zero sick time, begging coworkers for donations to partially cover it. And you’ll probably have to come back early unless you just don’t talk to HR because they want to make you use your FMLA leave time beforehand.
And then on the other hand, Adam had 12 weeks of paid paternity leave. He didn’t have to use any of his sick time or his paid time off. And really, the point of that is who your employer is matters a lot. if I knew this going into it. And again, Leo was planned. I probably should have considered it. And I kind of did. It’s just when reality hits, when you’re in the situation.
it’s different than hypothetical, but choose your employer.
Crystal (33:40)
Yeah, that’s the number one thing as Americans that we have power over.
Lanea (33:44)
Would you have done anything differently by looking for a job in New York beforehand?
Crystal (33:52)
So I tried a little bit at that time, New York helps wasn’t a thing. So I couldn’t really get a state job in New York state I needed to take a special exam, but the exam had closed in November of the prior year and I wasn’t aware of it after it closed. And it’s not reopening again until
Lanea (34:00)
Mm -hmm.
Mm, yeah.
Crystal (34:15)
this year in November or possibly next year, but the New York helps is a legislative program that works around that needing an exam. So yeah.
Lanea (34:17)
That’s…
I mean, which makes sense because you can’t really hire people once a year.
Crystal (34:33)
Yeah, over 30 % of the state is retiring in the next five years. So there’s going to be plenty of opportunities.
Lanea (34:38)
Yeah.
You’re not really worried about that.
Crystal (34:43)
No, I’m not concerned.
Lanea (34:46)
So what’s your story? How did you come about to making your decision?
Crystal (34:50)
I guess when it really came down to it, there wasn’t any way forward in my prior position, at least in a remote capacity. And there’s no fucking way in hell you’d catch me living in Nebraska again. the minute I visited New York I knew that was it because it just you can breathe here. You feel it’s
Lanea (35:09)
Mm -hmm.
Crystal (35:14)
free. Like you have more rights, you have more protections. And in Nebraska, like we just talked about, don’t get jacked shit. You can’t get WIC, you can’t get Medicaid, you can’t get help with raising your child, you can’t get daycare, you can’t get paid maternity leave.
Lanea (35:33)
you
Crystal (35:35)
Like there’s nothing, why would I stay? yeah, so I was like, got, it’s time, it’s time. having a baby was a good natural step forward for that transition. And
Lanea (35:38)
It’s not for everybody.
Mm -hmm.
Crystal (35:50)
As mentioned in prior episodes, we really made sure financially that we’d be okay if one of us needed to stay home. And that was even before we thought about getting pregnant because I was so burned out between working and moving in Canada and then working in the US all through COVID. Like I was, I was done. Yeah, I was mentally, physically, emotionally just done. So
Lanea (36:12)
You’re just done, yeah.
Crystal (36:20)
Returning to work was never a really serious do it or die sort of consideration for me. I’m only entertaining part time right now because I found a position that like I said, I could do dead in my coffin. I don’t need to breathe to do that job. It’s so freaking easy. It’s just provider enrollment. So I don’t know if it’ll work out. Like they obviously have to pick me.
Lanea (36:33)
I’m
Mm -hmm.
Crystal (36:49)
but it’s an option. And we could get help paying for daycare right now for me to be able to find a job. But if I find a job, we wouldn’t qualify for that anymore. And then the amount of costs of daycare would just make it not worth it to me. But also, my main concern is that there are only four tiny at -home daycares in the surrounding areas.
Lanea (37:06)
Yeah.
Crystal (37:15)
And they have so many fucking violations. And I’m not talking about like small, oops, a kid like fell and scratched his knee. I’m talking about like leaving deathly, dangerous prescription medication within children’s reach on the floor and like a purse at the door. And I just don’t see how they can safely oversee the care of 10 or so children. think one of the like most of them are OK for having.
14 to 18 children on site in a house. And I just, I’m one person and I already feel like one baby is enough. even on a good day, which is far and few between this last half year, I feel like one is enough too would be like.
Lanea (37:48)
Yeah, that’s a lot.
Crystal (38:10)
I can’t do more. how the fuck can they do like 16 kids? I don’t know.
Lanea (38:14)
yeah, yeah yeah.
Crystal (38:17)
I just don’t know. the $200 I mentioned before I wouldn’t see it because I’d have to buy a new car. So why can’t I just stay home and then figure out things from there? And I do make money on my books. It’s been I haven’t made a lot in the last year because Kindle changed their stuff.
But I did made a little bit. It’s enough to pay the internet bill every once in a while.
Lanea (38:43)
You’re trying other methods too.
Crystal (38:46)
Yeah, yeah. I don’t think that I could get a disability accommodation for my illness or my PPD or my PPA to be able to work remote full time. Like, wish that was a thing that I don’t think I think they would just fire me before anyone would give me any type of accommodation. Yeah.
Lanea (39:00)
Yeah, yeah.
with the accommodation, yeah.
Crystal (39:10)
especially with how transient that kind of stuff is. So yeah, what about you? How did you come to your decision to return to work besides your husband being like, fuck that, you’re not doing it.
Lanea (39:23)
Yeah, I mean, that was most of it, to be honest. Like, that’s how it started out, really. And I mean, to give him credit, he said that well before we even discussed being pregnant. So it’s not like it came as a surprise. It’s just when you’re in reality of it, it’s like, you, bitch. But neither here or there. So like that was that was a lot of it.
It was also pretty important for me to somewhat stay on track career -wise because like you, I could not go back to customer service. I just, that does not interest me in the slightest and we always wanted one kid. So I think it might be different if we wanted multiple kids or we’re gonna have multiple kids, but Leo is going to be our one and only.
So it just didn’t make sense to completely derail my career when I know I’m only going to have one. And we also have, both of us have very flexible jobs. Adam works from home, Monday through Friday. You know, I go into the office, but my employer is very flexible right now. We can work from home on occasion if necessary. So there’s that.
I literally broke it down too because the time off plus sick leave plus holidays, and weekends off. I was really only leaving Leo like 50 % of the time when I actually math the math and it just didn’t seem worth it to give up the income
when between Adam and I, he’s not in daycare that long.
And we found daycare that was reasonably affordable and we reasonably trust. It’s very hard because
I always thought that I would go with a center, but when I toured the centers, it just seemed very cold. It just didn’t seem like a great environment. But then we found an in -home person and there’s our own risk with that because you don’t know what’s going on. It’s not like that they have cameras. There’s much less monitoring. We just got a better vibe from her and.
It’s working out well right now. Leo is never upset when we drop him off. And that could change because he’s very young, so he doesn’t have separation anxiety at this point. But he’s always happy when we get there. It doesn’t look like he’s upset or crying. And I think at this point, if he truly hated it, he would be more upset. He wouldn’t want to be dropped off. He wouldn’t smile and laugh.
Crystal (42:12)
yeah, if something was going on.
Lanea (42:15)
Yeah, so and I think at her heart, she is a caring person, know, and takes pride in what she does, which so I mean, we just found an affordable option. And then, like I said, the impact of job, really the biggest factor was for me what I really.
still kind of struggle with. I wish I could have taken a little bit more time off with him, but because of FMLA, I only had 12 weeks because for us, it wasn’t a factor financially. we could definitely afford if I took an extended unpaid time off, you know, I mean, it wouldn’t be great. Like nobody wants to go without income, but we could afford it. But
that just was not an option and part -time is not an option where I work and I’m trying to go for the federal student loan forgiveness. So I have to work 40 hours a week or full -time. But I will say, I do think it was a good decision for me, even though I felt a little bit forced into it. I’m not sure
if I would have been better off if I went the other way, just because mentally I need the adult stimulation, I need the work. I enjoy what I do. I enjoy my coworkers. So it wasn’t a bad experience going back. I think it’s been more positive than negative.
how do you feel about your choice? Like is there anything that you wish would have happened differently or would you have done anything differently?
Crystal (43:57)
at the end of the day, think it’s what was best. Like, I got really sick. And if I had been working while I was that sick, I probably would have died, honestly. Because when you’re working in the US, you don’t have time off. Especially with like just going back to work. you don’t have
Lanea (44:09)
Yeah.
Crystal (44:18)
sick time off and that impacts people getting emergency care and I needed emergency care. So I think it was the best choice but I’m kind of ready to expand outside of baby boss.
Lanea (44:24)
Mm -hmm.
But like you said, it’s hard because like unless you’re making significant amounts of money, which might be a little bit difficult in upstate New York, you have to balance commute time with the other benefits with your sanity with, just pay overall.
Crystal (44:52)
Yeah. I can I can do I can do full time, I’d have to I can’t do pay grade 18. I’d have to be pay grade 23 that this year starts at Eighty four thousand. next year it’ll jump up to like eighty six thousand. And the help program goes through April.
Lanea (45:11)
And I think that’s why it’s such a personal decision, you know?
Crystal (45:16)
most definitely. Do you think that your choice was for the best for you guys or?
Lanea (45:23)
I really do. I would not have done much different besides take additional time off after he was born. That’s about the only thing I would have done differently. But I really do believe that returning back was the best decision for me.
Crystal (45:45)
If you could have taken more time, what do you think would be the gold spot?
Lanea (45:49)
Probably six months. But that’s hard saying because, you know, I went back when he was three months. It felt too early to go back at that point, but I’m not sure if six months would have felt too early as well, but that’s the number that I had in my head,
Crystal (46:00)
Mm -hmm.
feel like six months is good, because I’m at six months now and I’m just now being like, maybe I should look into doing other things.
Lanea (46:19)
My, I think my ideal would be to go part time, but that’s just not, I don’t want to do just anything part time. Like I want to do what I’m doing now. I just want to do it part time.
I don’t want to downgrade.
that concludes our discussion on the pros and cons of returning to work after having a baby. As you’ve heard, this decision is deeply personal and it involves weighing numerous factors from financial needs to emotional wellbeing. We hope that our conversation has provided some insight that helps you navigate this important life transition.
Remember, there’s just not a one size fits all answer and the best choice for you really depends on your unique circumstances and priorities. We really just hope to give you a little bit more to think about. Thanks for joining us today. We’ll be back next week with another thought provoking topic.
Lanea (47:13)
If you have any questions or want to share your experience, reach out to us at YouTube, Instagram, or Spotify at Piggy Bank Patrol. We would love to hear from you.
Sound Bites
“There’s some resentment now because of it.”
“It’s disgusting that you want to take time, unpaid time away from people spending time with their kids. It’s disgusting.”
“It is sheer unethical and I know that when that happened, I read the federal law and that’s the loophole. And I don’t think ethically that it should be a loophole. There should be some type of additional paragraph adjacent to whatever section it is, that line loophole out and fix the wording because that is just sick. It is absolutely sick.”